When dealing with the Utility Companies

I know you all have had disagreements concerning bills and not getting satisfaction when trying to deal with  “Big Faceless Companies”.. This time for me is CL &P (Connecticut Light and Power)…and I guess they do have the power. I have always been anal about paying my bills early. So when I got a letter from CL & P stating

” Dear Valued Customer”

I knew something wrong…..Evidently they did not receive payment for my previous monthly Electric bill…. Something has to be wrong.. I first go to my  check book to make sure that I did write a check…yes I did..then go to my Online Banking…..Nada….. now a little backtracking. The due date for the bill is on the 8th of every month… I send in payment no later than somewhere the 28 of the previous one to give enough leeway….. Now they are asking for that month and the next… I’m cool with that so I  go to my bank and start to do a stop payment which takes 3 business days. I wait the obligatory time and then send in the new payment. Sometime the next following week I see my new payment debited to my checking account… but wait a minute I also see the original check being debited and credited to it also…. okay not thinking to deep and just forgetting about this until I get this letter from them

Dear My Name,

Your payment in the amount of $122.57 has been returned, unpaid, by your bank.

Since your bank didn’t honor the payment, we have debited your account for this amount as well as a $22.00 returned payment fee.

If you would like to know why your payment wasn’t honored, we encourage you to contact your bank.

Then it goes on …blah blah…phone # to call…”All that is running through my head is WTF…..now I have to get all my info ie cancelled check #’s and call them in the morning… which I did.

This is how it went… after either  entering my account or  speaking my choice that I hoped was correct …of course put on that …… all blah..blah busy….please hold until the next  whomever is available…  Okay enough with the “Elevator Music”….. I may be old but I am not dead….. Thank God a reprieve a breathing person…..

I started explaining the problem and what happened……. Of course the conversation went with me being in the wrong and should have called to see what was up….. hmmmmm even though this has been over 3 weeks past the due date……. NOW I am getting my dander up and tried to explain my side again falling on deaf ears…. Okay to myself  “Ken you know you are not going to get any satisfaction with this..what to do…..play the IRATE CUSTOMER and start YELLING….. which I did when the person on the other end started coming back at me…. I slammed the phone down and hung up on her…… but then just started laughing loud enough to make my co-workers to ask what was the matter…. explained I knew I was not going to get any satisfaction and so hanging up was my only satisfaction…..Of course being the trained Lemming just followed the lead and paid the extra amount…                      

Definitely it is how I feel…..do what you are told…because “Big Brother” definitely has us by the shorties….ouch……AND PLEASE DO NOT TELL ME TO CALL OR WRITE MY CONGRESS PERSON……..Ther’re all in somebody’s pocket…..

Only thing that will make me smile now is thinking of Monty Python

“ALBATROSS”

Have a nice day…except you Corporate and Political Scumbags

Here have a laugh….. these were the Number ONE Songs for January

Yes sorry my obligatory segue….. the “Bay City Rollers” just makes me laugh thinking about the Mike Myers movie

“So I Married a Axe Murderer”

and his whole Scottish family dancing to them.

Talk about “Bubblegum” Music

I’m sure by now you are thinking “What the Hell does this have to do with the Super Bowl….don’t know but this is what was happening then and that movie is stupid funny as hell..

Okay now to the actual story. My friend Howie who I worked with at that infamous restaurant that I bring up every so often was born in the Pittsburgh area, a diehard fan bordering on Fanaticism…. one night after work while banging down drinks we talk about the Super Bowl….. and somehow we start throwing around the notion of going to it….. I think we brought it up almost daily…..finally we came to the conclusion we’re going….. Now this is the week leading up to the Super Bowl ..NO Tickets..NO Hotel…..AND NO Airfare….Minor snags…we’ll figure this out…Cause watch out Miami here we come.

This is where some of the details are a little foggy. Oops forgot to mention that Howie’s girlfriend at the time Dawn was coming also….okay back to the foggy part…. I think we headed to JFK (airport) on the Thursday night.  I think friends Ken and Ricky drove us down….of course we were already primed with drinks…….“Ken pull over we need to take a Pit Stop…..thank god it was dark on “95″… so we pull over and Howie and I start pissing…..thank god for our plumbing in emergencies like this……never mind….. all of a sudden Dawn is right next to us…..squating and pissing also…what the Hell she had to go too….so we just kept doing what we had to do

….We get to the airport….. buy our tickets and I think we brought the clothes on our backs and don’t think anything else……we drank all the way down to Miami…..one good thing did not have to worry waiting for luggage….. HMMMM no place to stay…. we took turns at the payphone looking for hotels in Miami…..no luck until sometime Friday morning….at least we saved money for a hotel the first night…spent in on the benches in the airport……A little history back in the 70′s and 80′s Miami was not like it is today……trying to be politically correct

 ”Not a nice place to go”

We get our hotel somewhere in North Beach and actually on the water….. now not remembering did I bring any clothes or not…. if not then I did some shopping….I was going swimming no matter what….it was around 68 to 70…or so…… warm for us “Snowbirds”  not for the natives who were kinda wearing sweaters and coats…. I will find about that later in my life when I did live in FT. Lauderdale….. did my dip ..aaaaah satisfied…. now I think waiting for the Super Bowl what should do….HMMMM I think I drank a lot and because the next thing I knew it was time for the Super Bowl

We took our rental and started driving to the “Orange Bowl”….. in downtown Miami….it is starting to get congested the closer we get we notice everybody is hiring out their front lawns as parking and the nearer the more expensive….. you gota love capitalism at it’s finest.

We paid  our extortion rate because we were not going to walk too far from the Orange Bowl….. Now the most important part scalp 3 tickets together. It’s funny you feel a little weird walking around and asking for tickets to buy…… well not sure which one of us scored but we bought 3 together at face value  $75.00 apiece. We sat I think around the 40 yard line on the second level. The second level are stands not seats like the lower so there are hash marks with the seat number inside them. Well settled in and watched a very exciting game… it was back and forth and since Howie was a diehard Steelers Fan I rooted for them also….plus being a Giant fan could not root for the Cowboys.

Final Score Pittsburgh 21 – Dallas 17…thank god because Howie would have been not fun to be with and it would have been anticlimactic Yahooing it up and not have our team win.

 It’s funny when I write these things it always triggers more of the same but different stories

In Chronological order

Went in October to the 6 and 7th games of the Greatest World Series, this Super Bowl, The Bicentennial 4th in a Boise Police station and the Summer Olympics in Montreal…which was a blast..and you will hear from me about that…….

Have Nice Day

NDSYWW  (Never Date Someone You Work With) Part Deux

Sometimes when you are writing and things pop into your head you just write and do not even think. Well yea thats why there is a “Part Deux”

The really stupid thing is this one is the funniest and the most embarrassing one about my dating in the workplace. I’m from CT and the restaurant I was a manager at was opening one in W. Springfield MA (Massatwoshits) yes affectionately named by me. So getting the drift me around 25, single in an area that I do not know anyone….. In the beginning I helped open the restaurant so my days were occupied. Well after about a year when things started settling down….. I needed my time to be occupied by other things…. yes I needed to get laid….. The only people I knew were the people I worked with….. and yes we had a lot of beautiful women working for me. I was friendly with all but one I did the most flirting with definitely reciprocated and she had that Ken come Eff me look in her eyes… Me I had that look all over my body… So yes we went out for drinks and went back to her place…

Well went right to her room and went right at it…I think the both of us were needing and wanting it I ripped her stockings right off her body and she just forgot to unbutton my shirt and popped all my buttons right off….. OMG talk about two youngsters in heat…. well I should have known when I started hearing

“Fiddle music emanating from her lower unit I could be in trouble……. What did you say Charlie?”

I don’t remember when I noticed more importantly started itching like crazy but I was taking a shower getting ready to go into work when I got out I looked in my area that does some of my thinking and I saw a bunch of black spots…. HMMMM am I getting a bunch of freckles that are itching… I started picking at them and one came off in my hand I immediately stared into the mirror with this look on my face

 OMG

I saw little feet on the end of this Freckle……… Holy Shit  I got

Crabs …. yea it was cheesy using Charlie Daniels “Devil went down to Georgia” for fiddle music…. for “Fiddler Crabs” .. but didn’t know what else to do or use…. shoot me then

I have never been sooo mortified or embarrassed what do I  do have to go to work….. Think quick Ken…OH maybe some alcohol on them will kill them…. Shit no Vodka or Gin in the house…..HMMM… OH thats right “Aftershave Cologne” has alcohol in it…. Now thank God my roommate used it…. Poured in the “Crab Farm area”… Not too stupid burned like hell…Well maybe a good thing meaning if it stings it must be killing the…. NO such luck all I got was bunch of now Drunken Itchy Crabs

 Now It is about a 20 minute drive from my apartment to the restaurant….. I am itching and I probably had a weird look on my face to the cars driving by me…..what else can I do…. finally get to work and am sooo embarassed….Only saving grace the girl (woman) I was given this gift from was not working….. now I had to greet, talk to customers and deal with the staff…. I had to constantly run and go into the office and scratch….. OMG… I am so mortified and the worst part of this is when guys scratch certain areas things happen so I was walking around and hiding with I do not know else to explain except with a “semi”….. Now one of the waiters was a male nurse and going to school to be a doctor…. So with much trepidation and embarrassment explained my dilemma… He laughed and told me to get which I affectionately called “Crab Off” from over the counter at the Pharmacy…… It is a medicated shampoo product…. So got home immediately took a shower with my new best friend “Crab Off” thank god it worked the bad boys just died and fell off and went down the drain.

Well it kind of got uncomfortable after that for me….. Maybe I didn’t handle it right but I just stopped talking to her and she was all upset not understanding and professing all types of mushy stuff to me…… now in my mind…. How could she not know about this and not tell me. I gave her the cold shoulder… maybe wrong but I felt betrayed and all that.

My Friendly Words Of Advise to all “If you are about to have Sex and you either hear Charlie Daniels “Fiddle music or the theme from “Finding Nemo” immediately start to do the backstroke and get out of the water”

“I know…. Ken keep it in your Head” NOT

Through the ages people have been giving the advise “Never Date somebody you work with”…because it can come back and bite you in the ass….. and I can attest to that because I still think I have a few divots missing.

Now getting back to how I got those divots……. In a place and time LONG LONG AGO…..get the drift when I was young….. 2 of my divots were earned actually at the same place. Go figure didn’t learn the 1st time….. I guess I was not listening to my head that stores my brain…… I think I was 25ish and a bartender at the most popular eatery in town….. in those days it was not a sit down variety but a service bar where all the drinks were ordered by waiters, waitresses and in our very large lounge by cocktail “people”… they were all females….. Well there was slew of them. Being the charming guy I am all the girls (women) just liked me….. As all restaurant people know there is always some type of flirting going on……needed to ease the stress of working in a busy place. Well yes I damn flirted… and they back at me…. As restaurant people go we all kinda hung together as a clique….after work and on weekends.

The first time I did not heed this advice was actually with 2 cocktail waitresses at the same time….. Yes I know a cad….but they both had boyfriends and I guess I was a change of pace for them…I do not know how why I did this but I did… now you know how hard it is to keep anything at work a secret but I was pretty good at this…. the problem also these 2 were best of friends.. so there was a lot of sneaking going on…. this went on then like any crazy ass secret everyone found out….. there seemed to be some type of animosity between the 2 but not at me…HMMMM. My sense of morality kicked in …I could not be the cause of  best friends having a fight… What do I do..well I had a friend living in Denver and figured why not go out there and visit and let things cool down here…. One good thing working in a restaurant  the days can be flexible.. so went and stayed for around a month….. I will babble about that trip sometime in the future but back to this…. I figured the right thing to do is to write both of them I guess sort of a ”Dear John” letter for somebody who was not their boyfriend. I told them that we all knew this wouldn’t work and I didn’t want to be the reason for them to end their friendship….and blah blah blah….. When I got back it seemed all was right in our little restaurant world…Don’t know if I took the cowards way out….. remember they chased me….

The second and actually looking back now the amusing one…..

Same restaurant about the same time.

Actually about a year later… same basic crew working together…..just friends with the 1st 2. Another cocktail waitress who worked during my escapades and yes I was friends with mentioned she cleaned houses…. Ken do you need my services….. Hahaha….. Well rented and lived with 2 other guys in a house right on the beach…what a party house….So yes I needed maid service…. She came and cleaned my room and did the dishes for X amount of dollars per week…..this was working out great…until one night out at one of the bars drinking and somehow met up with her and proceeded to get hammered…. so I think both of us looked good to each other at closing time. I went to her place and we went at it….. This where I got myself in trouble…. I went home and thought about this…… Now sexually I was attracted to her…but we really did not have anything in common…”Well that we did…you know what I mean”. So in my brain I rationalized that I should tell her that this would be a mistake…and blah blah blah….. Seriously I was not trying to be an ass or a scumbag….. It just so happens we had a restaurant meeting the next day Saturday….. I got enough balls to make my speech… OMG…. She had a fit and said things to me….. then that night we had to work together …you talk about uncomfortable… I was definitely in her crosshairs…. and of course people were talking…. Now I worked later than her so when I came home…forgot to tell you my bedroom was on the second floor….. so yes she was my “Upstairs maid”. Evidently she stopped at my house told one of my roommates that she forgot something….. yea she forgot something….. She forgot to throw all my stuff out the window…. which I sidestepped on my way into the house…..  I think it took awhile before she would talk to me again……somehow we became buds again… One good thing about me I am infectious and it is hard to get rid of me and people can’t help it they just like me…. watch  I will get comments sent in from people who think I am ass….

You would think some of this would have sunk into my head but evidently I have a hard head…. close to 20 years later I dated I co-manager at a restaurant in West Hartford (yes I was divorced by then).

I know I can preach and spew words of wisdom…. but as my Ole pappy always said… “Shit Happens” aint that the truth… You talk about a kid in candy shop… where I work it is about 90% women…. every so often I catch my self ……being to nice and I think too much flirting….and have to put the breaks on and say “Whoa Ken back off” I really am trying to adhere to that but sometimes it is tough…. Oh well

“Shit Happens”

I think I am in the swing again lucky all of you…. that have to read my stuff (sarcasm in case you didn’t know)

have a nice day and of course my “Monty Python” homage….

“Albatross”

“Is Ken an Accident waiting to happen”

DUH… Yes I am

For some reason we are having  cold weather here in CT at night… Yes way too effen early. One saving grace I live near the coast so not as cold as inland. Areas around us have already got snow. Like the rest of us I am trying to go as long as I can without using the heat. I have forced hot air and I just wanted to check to make sure that the Furnace does work for when I do really need it. Turned it on and I do hear the click like it is going on…. since it is forced hot air it does take awhile before the radiators get warm…okay 10 minutes..where the hell is the heat. I don’t feel a damn thing…. Still thinking maybe it takes longer ..the first time… Yea I know stupid but thats what I thought….. I go downstairs and the furnace and pipes are as cold as how “Leona Helmsley” treated her help…. okay its Friday night and no biggie…ask my son to see what he could….

“Oh Greg”…

He turns the thermostat on and off and tells me …”Dad It’s not Working”… Seriously wanted more than that…..but what the hell he did make that great effort….  SARCASM

Me being the kind of person I am I do have look into this but it will wait until the morning

It’s Saturday morning and try to sleep in but failure like always… I am up and about sniffing around 7ish. I get up and it is a little nippy in my house… I go downstairs and make some coffee and grab a cup and start pondering my Heat… Okay Ken do that stupid thing and turn the thermostat on and off and hopefully it will work now…. Duh of course not…. so I go to the actual furnace and investigate… I knew that the pilot light must not be on…. Okay how do I take this cover off to see where that thing is at….. finally pulled the cover off and I find where I have to light it…. good thing I brought my glasses. It was hard to read the directions as is….. okay I will fake it. I have matches and I find the reset button to hold down. I do that and light the pilot…. okay held it down for a few minutes then let it go. Of course it goes out I repeat this a few times…now getting frustrated… okay what do I…..I’ll take cares of this…. I hold down the reset and get closer to the pilot and stick my mug in there to make sure I am getting it lit…… well it got lit alright but it also shot a big ass flame back at me…. Now I smell something that from many years of sauting I recognize…… BURNT HAIR…. One good thing do not feel anything…no burns on my face but I feel my brows and touch the left side of my hair… Yep its singed… I go the bathroom mirror…. Thank God not too bad…but it is a nasty smell

Good thing I do not have those big ass “Brezhnev Brows because they would have been gone

Talk about a UNABROW

Well I was not deterred. I went back at it and I keep lighting and relighting the pilot… now I am getting frustrated…

Why Wont this Stay Lit

Miracles do happen and it does stay lit….. I think because it was out for a while there was carbon build up and it had to be heated and burned off.

Now the final final test.. go upstairs and turn on the thermostat and yes it is working…. now to take a shower and get that smell and hopefully clean and wash my hair so maybe be like normal…

The gods were on my side and I do not look any worse….. Okay those who know me … I know what you are thinking keep it to yourself…

I know the song is not about my hair getting singed but is  the same as the title.

Thank god I found a Kenny Rogers youtube before his hideous facelift…. who the eff said this would look good…. he looks like he is related to Joan Rivers….. or could have been an extra in John Carpenters cult movie “Escape from LA”

 Until we meet again..Have a good one CIAO

Back when I was young and stupider because I am still stupid (stop it with the grammar correction)  living in Lodi, CA. I have written how I ended up there and ensuing stories that followed. I think I was around 27 working, living with friends and their parents and across the hall from my future ex wife and the mother of my son. Lodi is located in North Central CA in the San Joaquin valley. Now I was an eastern boy and it was whole different lifestyle for me. It is real farm country, actually the largest area in the US. From what I know now a lot of it going by the wayside and becoming residential…what else is new. I hate when I digress but I just can’t help it. It seemed to me at the time they were about 10 years behind in everything compared to us really HEP Easterners. So at first had to get acclimated to this lifestyle but me being the chameleon I am adjusted well. Made many friends and really enjoyed this change in my life. Ken for Christ Sakes get to the damn Spider story. I worked for my now ex father in-law (Curly) who I still admire greatly. Curly owned a Vinegar Plant that only made naturally aged wine vinegar. This is a slow process. The method we aged the vinegar was the

“Orleans Method”

Though scientific advances have made large-scale production of vinegars fast and easy, it is the handcrafted Orleans method that allows for the most full-bodied and nutrient-rich wine vinegars. Unlike most modern vinegar making, which is based on rapid, forced fermentation, and flushing the wine with oxygen, the Orleans technique requires the vinegar to age for ten months in small French Oak barrels. As a consequence of this extensive process, very little commercial production of the vinegar exists in the US. The taste of this vinegar is described as bright, smooth and fruity.

So are you getting a gist of what I did? No, well besides being “Chief Cook and Bottlewasher” One of my duties was to periodically test the acidity of each barrel. A very complicated method of extracting the vinegar (just kidding)…. I had a syphon hose and would go to each barrel and take a sample of each. Then had to use my chemistry and math skills to find the acidity of each and determine how many Gallons of each would be needed from each to get the desired strength we were looking for.

“DO NOT EVER DO THIS AFTER A HARD NIGHT OF DRINKING WITH A HANGOVER“

Because no matter how hard you try… you will swallow some vinegar.

Our plant was situated within a vineyard we did not own..very cool. It was one of those days that I had to test. See the above picture of the barrels our setup was very similar. There was over 300 barrels tiered up. We always rotated the barrels we took some from so there was always something aging and some ready for bottling. I think the batch we were bottling was somewhere around 5000 gallons. So yes needed to take samples from around 100 of them…OH joy but had to be done. Again referencing the picture of the barrels see how this could be a

“Spider Resort”

While performing this and getting my head and body in between each barrel siphoning the vinegar I felt something. Did I scratch myself on something? Oh well went back doing what I was doing. It is messy job, my hands had a magenta (red) color to them. I did notice a little bump on the leftside of my forehead…. me thinking dirty hands a making of a good-sized ZIT…..SOB…. I get home to the family compound…and of course everybody started busting my chops about my big ass ZIT…. Ha Ha real funny..not of course I am self conscience of this. Ate drank wine and went to bed….. I do not know how long asleep but I woke up in extreme pain… My friend and ex brother in-law Rob was doing that lying thing “No your face is not that bad” I go in pain and look in the mirror

“Oh My God.. My whole left side of my face is swollen and now I am concerned…. Take me to the ER now. Of course everybody in the ER gave me the look… OMG what up with him because I looked exactly like

“Quasimodo”

 This is where I am fuzzy about the details. I know they said it was some type of spider but what kind…sorry can’t remember…. I got whatever type of meds…I still did not sleep the swelling caused my sinuses to give me one of those headaches that wouldn’t quit… the next day after a fitful night of whatever sleep started to feel a little better the swelling started going down. No way was I going to go out in public…. didn’t want to scare old women and children. I was just so self conscience about this… I think after 3 days I felt comfortable enough to go out.. Really weird the poison localized into one hard lump on the spot where I was bit…. This all happened before Christmas… I bought airfare back to CT to be with family and friends…. Thinking I was looking fine by now got to my families house and the first thing out their mouths, forget Merry Christmas was

 ”Ken What the Hell Happened to You … You look Horrible”

Now here I am feeling self conscience again.. had to visit my friends but yes had to answer and explain each time… I think I ended my visiting and hung at my parents where at least they gave me some sympathy….  I could not wait to leave and get back to Lodi just so I didn’t have to answer any more questions. Yes all went back to normal….. No this is how I really look ….at least then could make an excuse…

“Never ever make a Spider your Friend”

Unless His Name is “Boris” by the Who

“Happy 250th Arthur”

All right you got a hint of my plight 

Round 1

It was a very hot week and my “Guests” felt it was okay to move back into their winter digs….  My son went to grab a snack late one night and the Mice were having a ball doing the Electric Glide all over our cupboards.

Son – What the eff we need to get rid of these things…..Dad I freaked out

 Me – What are you talking about

Son – A mouse was trying to do the Texas Two-step with my hand

Me – Okay I know they have been tenants for a long time… I guess I will have to put out some traps

Son – well Dad  hurry up they give me the willies

Me – I went out and bought all my mouse catching gear…

So now we have a few cupboards bare and the food hanging on our kitchen table…. I didn’t tell my son that this is a big house and they probably found another nook to hang out until this blows over

 

 Round 2.. I go outside and start watering my little herb flower-box garden I look down who do I see but my outside tenants scurrying



Thats right its Alvin and his damn Chipmunks getting high… SOB….Thank God I had to go down to my Parents and do my weekly Vacuuming of their inground pool. I get there and I start looking and I see something at the back of the pool swimming…Okay what the hell is it… I get closer and here we go

Round 3 it’s God Damn Pepe Le pew doing the Austrailan Crawl



 

Okay what Hell do I do???? Thank god I had a very long Pole… no the skimming pole with a basket net… I reached picked him up and am trying to get Pepe out but having a problem… No effen way am I going to any closer …finally I free him..it was kind of funny Pepe starts walking and it’s like he was drunk… couldn’t get his bearings… please don’t pass out here…. good he starts walking right and just takes off into the  bushes and out of my site. Okay enough is enough… finished vacuuming the pool and back to my 

“Wild Life Refuge” 

What now…. I just noticed that my garage tenants were  shopping… The Damn Raccoons got into my garbage and made a Dinner Buffet 



Picked up the mess and what more can The Animal Kingdom surprise me with…..  This is kind of actually sad I look behind my garage and into my backyard and see what looks like the remains of a white pigeon torn apart strewed all over the grass…. okay whatever other animal do I have that can do this calling my Yard his home

So, Yes Pet Detective Please find out who this Carnivour is and find him somewhere else to live…and if you have any sway please lead the others away also…

I know this is hopeless… I do not hate animals I just want them to behave….fat chance

 The only noise I want to hear from animals is when

Eric Burdon is singing with them



Yea did you guys listen take heed and leave

“I Think I almost took a Dirt Nap (Or I Should Have Stayed In Bed)” triggered this one

I was playing cards with the Reaper…He had a full house…..that Reaper had that smug arrogant look on  

his face……Sorry loser pulled a Royal Flush out of my ass ( I cheated). Funny sometimes I write and I do not know where I am going…. WHAT the EFF… where was that Reaper crap going…. I guess it was my attempt to be witty…..No you can just make a face I know it sucked.

 I was in my mid 20′s and a Restaurant Manger at the time. I worked at the busiest and most popular one in town. It was a cold snowy Saturday night and of course our busiest night. After doing a lot of my nightly duties, walk through, leaving notes and ordering produce for Sunday. It is about 12 or so and now to count and make the Nightly deposit. broke open a Heineken…. here is how corny I am… whenever I said or say that…….  “Heine… Ken and touching my butt making that Smoking HOT Sizzling sound…” you know me thinking I’m hot. Ha ha what an ass I am…. but I am chuckling right now.

Alright all my friends from the restaurant have already are all gone to the local drinking establishment of choice “Nick and Neals”. I finish the deposit put it in the bag and will now do the night deposit. It is about 12:30 and it had snowed the whole week and it was freeze your ass off cold. Get into my 350 Cutless and take the 10 minute drive to our bank. I pull into the lot, park my running car (no it was doing laps) about 20 feet from the locked Night Deposit chute. I have my key ready to open as I walk to the night drop. It’s late and and windy I think I start hearing something, Naaa it’s the wind… I do not pay attention and keep walking. Just about to the night drop and I hear it it again but louder.

“Hold it right there..Drop the Bag”

This time I looked and saw this figure come over one of the plowed snow banks pointing something at me repeating the same line “Hold it right there..Drop the Bag” by this time I am at Night Deposit. I open the chute with my key… Turned and looked at him and just yell out as I put the bag in the chute

“DOUBT IT”

I think that really startled him…. I immediately ran to my running car and with more of a reflex action started driving toward him… I guess I wanted to run him over…. well he took off and started running to the snow piles and then into the surrounding  wooded area. I think I did a 360 on the icy parking lot. Pulled out into the main road and then it hit me MY Heart was BEATING so loud and it felt like it was up in my throat. OMG how stupid an IDIOT am I and why did I do that.

What to do now…. well actually my bosses were at the bar…so headed there… got there and actually ordered 2 beers…. you know what kind….Ha Ha … I banged them down within 5 minutes at the bar the went to the table where everybody gave me the look and asked “What’s Wrong with you” I started Babbling what happenedwhile banging down another beer….  After sitting and talking and drinking I finally getting back to my normality……Should we call the cops and report this…. Somehow we didn’t… don’t know the specifics…after that we never did a deposit alone.

Seriously …..What the EFF kind of Asshole risks getting shot over somebody’s else money….. Me I guess

“Or Not”

Have a nice Day

I just wanted to give you a little of my mental (yea real mental) makeup. Here is where  my History background comes in (yes won the History award in my HS).

My MO has always been “Damn the Torpedos full speed ahead”

This is the one time my thinking almost killed me.

I got up this past Saturday…forget me trying to sleep in… bought and read the papers drank some coffee and then off to the gym by 8:30 back by 10:30. Yes all geeked up from my workout. My bathtub needed a real douching so got some Soft Scrub (chlorinated) and some Clorox. Now my bathroom is small so not really VENTILATED. Proceeded scouring with the Soft Scrub and poured the Clorox into the tub. It is working.

 Before I go forward.. I had worked in Restaurants for most of my life. Managed, Ran a Food Commissary and numerous Kitchens so do know about not mixing Chlorine and Ammonia.

Not too big of an area…not well ventilated

I am feeling all proud of myself clean tub now lets clean the toilet.. I pour a bunch of  Clorox into it……. No sooner than it hits the water I can not breathe

The bleach attacked my lungs I could not inhale my lungs starting hurting. I was making those hideous noises when the lungs will not allow you to inhale.

I immediately ran to my son’s room pounded on the door and with what ever voice I could muster yelled to him

“HELP…. Call 911

I definitely scared him.. he started giving me the Heimlich but I was so sweaty I slipped out of his arms. I kept telling him to call 911… at this time I am lying on my living room floor…. My breathing started to return….. yes I can inhale… I just laid on the floor for awhile…. I really shook my son up….after it seemed an eternity got up and chilled for awhile.

I never really paid attention to that warning

“Use these chemicals in well Ventillated Areas”

Don’t Worry I never again will Pooh pooh that warning again

I hope by my stupidity and this little tale will make all of you think when cleaning and using chemicals.

“MAKE SURE THE ROOM IS WELL VENTILATED”

The only time I want to hear the word Reaper is in the “Blue Oyster Cult” song

Hey Reaper see ya in I hope around 40 from now…so chill

HAVE A NICE DAY

“Well here’s another one to add to my collection of misadventures”

I think I gave you a hint  in my title what will happen.

This needs a little background. I was single probably 25 or 26 and part of

“Rolling Collection of Restaurant Friends”

One of them who happens to be of the female persuasion I had loosely dated at one time was friends with a girl (do I use woman?)  who I happened to know sort of from my HS days. She was a cheerleader then and a year older than me. Now if  my feeble brain can remember that far back I was an enigma. A rebel without a cause but I do not think there was a label to fit me. I hung with the crazies, jocks and nerds. I think thank god even back then I did not predispose a label (I guess I did just label…did not know how else to describe) or not hang with somebody that didn’t fit into somebody’s clique…. Getting back to the story…… I kind of floated through HS.  My Junior year I transferred from a private to a public HS. I got lumped together with a bunch of seniors in a lot of my classes. You know that feeling when your insecurity kicks in …..especially when you see the Cliquey Senior girls look at you and whisper crap….. OMG they think I am an idiot or jerk or whatever….boy in those days that nervous sweat seemed to be dripping off of me. Fast forward to my story….. Well I found out they were actually talking about me as being hot….seriously were they on drugs….. but cool none the less.  Let’s put a first name to her it is Betty. Betty was hot, married but separated…….. Yes she still found me hot or whatever

Sorry Had to throw in that Gratuitous video from

“Fat Bastard”

Okay Ken get to this damn story… alright….. Evidently Betty found out that I worked with my friend and starting chasing me…. I ran but I guess not too hard…… HMMMM… married let me think about this… Oh then I also found out that she is married to the brother of a person I worked with. Let me weigh this out  in my little head, Me 25 male single and Betty HOT married but separated what should I do…. Yes my little head won out. I think originally it started as a group thing going out for drinks with everybody……we kind of you know made eyes and laughed at each others jokes… Jesus it was like being in HS again… I just didn’t want anybody to know for a lot of reasons…. fast forward…..yes we started seeing each other but I think without anybody knowing….. Where can we be and not have anybody around us know…. Was not going to get a room (maybe I should have). Well we can go to “Gulf Beach” that is where people go to do whatever. Don’t remember the arrangements but were now at the beach in the parking lot mauling each other in my 350 Cutless…oooh baby I loved that car. You know how it is when you’re hot for each other clothes and bodies are flying…..I think after steaming up the windows we had the good sense to put on our underwear……. Just about ready for round 2 (mid 20′s… could do that then) There is a knocking on my window and a flashlight shining in our faces…..Oh Oh Milford Police…. I don’t know if we had the look or not but thank god we had clothes on sort of…… He used that authoritative voice and told us to get dressed and get of there and if he saw us again he would arrest us.

Yes we got clothed and got out of Dodge as quickly as possible. I think after that I was finally thinking with my right head and just cooled it…. No I was nice but told her that she was still married and it wasn’t right…. eventually she started hanging with other people…. Have not seen her since…..

“So always remember never get caught with your Pants Down”

I threw in this song because it always sounded like they were saying “Milford Police”….plus I just like this

Have a nice day